Is an "angry pastor" an oxymoron?

This is a question with which I wrestle on occasion. I tend not to be angry, and I may generally come across as a "nice person" to some people. But the truth is that I, as do other human beings (at least I hope I'm not alone!), get angry on occasion. 

And I never know what to do with those feelings.

Most of the time, I'm able to angrily ramble to my husband or to myself within the confines of our home, which enables me to process my thoughts. What I'm learning about extroverts is that we ain't so good at keeping thoughts and feelings cooped up in our brain. It's good for most of us to get it out, even if we think we'd be better off internalizing. 

The problem with such rambling, ranting, and venting presents itself in the realm of pastoral care, particularly when it pertains to someone I love being hurt--whether it be by another person, group of persons, and/or an establishment/organization. When I feel that those I love have been mistreated and made to feel worthless, that's when I begin to feel the heat rising from my gut, to my chest, to my face. Maybe you're familiar with those sorts of feelings yourself. 

Often, I'm able to stop the explosion of anger before it explodes all over the place, including onto the person who has come to me to sort through their pain with them. And other times, I don't. For me, it's hard to put my thoughts and feelings aside when I feel someone I love is being jeopardized. This feeling has since extended to people outside of my immediate group of loved ones, which causes anger and sadness to spill over into other issues such as oppression, social injustice, and lack of consideration for women's rights and overall value as human beings. That's all fine and great, but how can I truly help someone if I'm so caught up in my own emotions?

So, I guess the question fumbling through my mind today is, "What would God have me do with these emotions?"

I know God knows I'm human. I know God wouldn't want me to try to mask or pretend that the "mad" emotion is something like a switch that I can just turn off whenever I please. The issue here is whether or not there is room for anger in ministry.

Some would very quickly tell you, "Yes, of course there's room for anger! If no one's angry about all the horrible things happening in the world, nothing will ever change!" Still others would say that it's expected of pastors (particularly women, I would argue) that we should--to use the trendy pop-culture phrase--"Keep calm and carry on." Or maybe even, "Never let 'em see ya sweat!" (Thanks, but I'm a sweat-er. Literally. The parishioners are gonna see that side of me regardless.)

I often, when thinking about this dilemma, think of Jesus the "pacifist." What would HE have me do? (Parts of me doesn't really think Jesus was AS much of a pacifist as Christianity sometimes makes him out to be. When we consider all of the boundaries he crossed and out-of-the-box thinking to which he introduced his disciples and followers, I tend to think of him more as an activist. Someone who wants us to do what it takes to love people, even if it's something that means we're looked down upon (or punished) by an entire group of people. I think Jesus calls us to love. But I digress...)

As frustrated as I know some of us get with Paul due to the language he uses in his letters to address various audiences throughout the New Testament, I particularly like chapter four of Ephesians where Paul is instructing the Church about how to live and work together in their new-found faith in order to act as one in the body of Christ. In verse twenty six, he says, "Be angry, and yet do not sin; do not let the sun go down on your anger, and do not give the devil an opportunity." The section in my bible where this instruction is found is appropriately (in my opinion) labeled, "Rules for New Life."

What I received from focusing on this particular passage is that anger is okay...in moderation...if it helps you be constructive for Christ. Sure, we're all going to have moments where we're so angry that we're going to have to explode in some way, because for some of us that's just how we "deal." What's important, I think, is not to stay confined mentally, emotionally, and spiritually in that explosion. There has to be movement from that place of explosion to an eventual place of peace. 

We cannot merely pray our feelings away, but I do believe in the power of prayer. Even praying about our anger (something I need to do more of) can be fruitful! I'm learning that I cannot go this road alone without asking for God's guidance and acknowledging God's presence in the midst of all situations, particularly the ones like this where I'm fully aware that I'm at a loss to my own human nature. I'm learning that I have to at least be in the process of dealing with my own emotions before I can help someone else sort through theirs.

And it is a process: figuring out how to handle emotions in light of who we're called to be as pastors, Christians, human beings. But I think our emotions--all of our emotions--are valid and should be felt. For me, feeling helps me really "get it" where issues of suffering are concerned. My feelings and my emotions help me connect to people, and I'm good with that.

However, it's extremely crucial that I don't let those emotions get the best of me, that I work to find the good in those with whom I'm angry, and remember that they, too, are children of God and are made in the likeness of God just as I like to think I am.

Anger can move us to positive action. I truly believe that. Please hold me accountable to the movement and grace of new life so that I may refrain from dwelling in the explosion.