I will admit that I feel a bit like Carrie Bradshaw this morning (Aside: Yes, I was one of those high school girls who watched an episode of Sex and the City here and there despite my mother's request not to do so. I honestly just loved Carrie and Big as jacked up as their relationship was. I was also drawn to the unbreakable bond between Carrie and her friends. I knew I wanted friendships with that kind of strength and resilience despite the various adversity they faced together.) as I sit in front of my computer with messy wavy hair left over from yesterday and a cup of coffee as I attempt to get enough control over the thoughts in my head to fling them onto the page.

This week has been a week, y'all. 

I don't necessarily mean that it's been bad. In fact, I think there was only one emotional breakdown and that had to do with the Sacraments. I'm learning that that's the norm for this season in my life. I'm really being challenged to wrestle with the significance of the Sacraments recognized by the United Methodist Church. It's almost a literal tugging on my mind and heart as I try to figure out why these are such difficult concepts for me to grasp as someone who hopes to be a pastor in the future. But then I get to Sacraments class on Wednesdays, and I'm reminded why. Learning in a communal setting where I feel free to ask questions is healing and helpful to my calling (and to my sanity).

I actually talked in both of my classes yesterday, and while this might seem like a, "Uh...so?" kind of happening at the surface, for me, it's a pretty big deal. For the first year and a half of my seminary career, I managed to get by speaking up little to none in my classes. I'm surrounded by people who are incredibly gifted in a number of ways, one of which being able to eloquently articulate concepts, theories, and reading comprehension/application (effortlessly, for some of them). I can do those things, too, for the most part. However, I often have to process those things aloud before I can helpfully contribute to a conversation. Yesterday, my professor for my Theodicy/the-problem-of-evil-in-the-world-if-we-have-an-all-powerful-as-well-as-all-loving-God class (who is a proponent for not making students talk in class because he never had to and still got his doctorate and became a well-established professor and author) could apparently tell the wheels were turning like crazy inside my head, so he asked me what I was thinking. I think I managed to articulately word vomit (yes, I actually think that's possible haha) my concerns and confusion with evil. I won't go into that discussion because I'm sure it would be a bore, but at the end of the day I spoke up about what I thought and the professor didn't look at me like I was nuts, so, for me, that's a step in the right direction!

There have also been many reminders of the evolution of life this week. A dear friend of ours has been undergoing a number of grueling medical procedures in the hopes that she will be chosen to have a double lung transplant due to having a critical condition called IPF. Two families I care about deeply have lost older members of their respective families. I have other friends who are having difficulty getting pregnant, yet another friend just had a precious baby this week. In a week where I'm deeply contemplating suffering, death, and what God's role is in those aspects of our earthly existence, I can't help but be overjoyed and thankful for the gift of new life (both literal and spiritual) with which God provides us. I find myself just going and looking at the pictures of that sweet baby when I get tangled up in thoughts about issues of loss and mortality, and it's nothing short of healing. New life....thank God for new life, and the eternal life we are promised in Christ. 

On another note, church last night was incredible. We have a family service called The Gathering on Wednesday nights, which I have gotten to help plan and lead as part of my Field Education requirement. The group that comes consists of mostly young families with kids who are usually 12 and under. We did stations worship last night so that the worship experience could be more interactive for the kids. We dimmed the lights and played music to set the mood, and let me tell you. Watching families worship in that way together is the most I've been moved in church in quite a long time. Witnessing parents really invest in their children's (as well as their own!) faith through a worship experience was nothing short of beautiful. I get teary-eyed now thinking about families going together to my Pastor to be anointed with oil and be prayed over together. Kneeling down to be on the level of their children as oil was placed on their heads as a sign of the Holy Spirit being with them, I was moved by these parents' dedication to the nurturing of their children's spiritual formation. It was such an uplifting, fulfilling, assuring experience, and I am so thankful to have been able to witness it. 

And finally, I'm thankful when things happen that let me know I made right decisions in my past. I won't say more than that, but I'm thankful for reassurance. Especially when it comes in the forms of new beginnings for people I once cared deeply about! Thankful for true love and the way it ebbs and flows, yet remains so strong and the greatest gift of all.

Thanks for letting me spill my thoughts and feelings all over the place. Please keep in prayer the families I mentioned who lost loved ones this past week, the mom and baby of the newborn I also mentioned earlier, as well as our dear friend going through the medical procedures for a double lung transplant this week. I so appreciate your prayers, and I hope you'll let me know if there's anything I can be praying with you about. Have a wonderful weekend, one and all! Carrie Bradshaw, signing out!