Long time, no [write]. :)

I hope everyone's new year is off to a magnificent start. Honestly, there were plenty of things that I considered writing about toward the end of 2013, such as:

Black Friday/ Grey Thursday ridiculousness
Phil Robertson's right to freedom of speech/the A&E publicity stunt
Football fans killing other fans for not being upset enough about a particular team's loss...


Wow. We sure ended on some high notes, didn't we? Maybe when I muster up some patience and clarity I'll write on these subjects. But for now, I'm choosing to focus on, well, the now! I, for one, am thrilled for this gift of a new year. The gift to begin again, to try again. To be something, someone new. Fresh. Clean. Alive.

Amidst this gift of a new beginning and an insurmountable amount of blessings, I can't seem to feel happy lately. I kind of feel like Charlie Brown when he can't figure out why he's the only kid in the Peanuts gang who isn't thrilled about Christmas quickly approaching (Times like these, I wish I had my own personal Linus!).

I'm working on nurturing a closer relationship between me and God; I know that's at the heart of why I can't seem to find happiness these days. Another thing that I think sucks the life right out of me is this messed up ideology I possess that it's necessary for me to be a perfect, happy, and put together individual 110% of the time.

Our culture is so focused on maintaining a "perfect" image (which we know doesn't make sense because the only perfect image is of God), and yeah we're made in that perfect image; however, if we're real with ourselves we've gotta admit that we will never obtain such perfection in this life. And living a lie that things are completely flawless day-to-day to show off to our Facebook friends is a sad way to live. But isn't that what we're doing to some extent? Think about it. [[Insert status about various accomplishments with a couple of Instagram photos portraying how happy we are doing absolutely nothing!!]] I am as guilty, if not more guilty, than the majority. I think somewhere along the way I've adopted a misconception that happiness just happens, and thus I've grown accustomed to sitting around waiting for something really great to happen, all the while trying to make it seem as though things are phenomenal 24/7.

Don't get me wrong. My life is one continuous blessing, and there again, an issue is unearthed. Gratefulness. Thankfulness. It's one thing for me to say that I'm those things; however, it's a completely other thing to live into such attitudes. Am I thanking God by trying to care for others? Am I letting my loved ones know how much they mean to me as much as possible? I could do better to say the least.

Let me be clear. This post isn't meant to be one of self-degradation. It is, however, meant to be one of self-reflection. And I think rather than allowing my focus to be invested in pleasing other people, I'm going to explore what it means to make decisions for and find happiness for myself. I don't think I've done much of that in a long time, and I'm not sure what kind of balance that entails so that I don't become completely self-involved. But I'm willing to test the waters, explore more, do more for other people, think more about what being in ministry with all people really means and try to learn from such things so that my happiness isn't dictated by things that don't matter whether that be other people's perceptions of me, things that happened in the past that no longer matter, or doubting myself for whatever reason. This year, in the breaks between studying and writing papers, I vow to myself to learn more about myself and what happiness means to me, to commit to searching for it and to helping others find it in their own lives.

Heard Tim McGraw's "Red Rag Top" on the radio the other day, and these lyrics really struck me:
Well you do what you do and you pay for your sins,
and there's no such thing as what might've
been, that's a waste of time; drive you outta your mind

Cheers to a new year, friends. To leaving the past in the past and to not worry about pleasing anyone but God and ourselves. May we love others wholeheartedly, be successful in our endeavors to find true happiness, and share it with others. Thanks for stopping by, and may peace cover you and yours until we meet again.