So, for my spirituality class, I'm reading a book called, Writing in the Sand: Jesus and the Soul of the Gospels, by Thomas Moore. And I'm really digging it thus far! It discredits our commonly shallow understanding of the gospels and Jesus' mission to be equivalent with living a moralistic lifestyle. One of the points Moore makes is that in order to live out the "change of vision, healing and love" of the gospels, it's vital that one learns to love one's self. He says,

"If you probe deep enough into this important question of love, you see that you can't love another person unless you love yourself. (I might prefer to say 'love your soul,' because this is not a selfish love that we're talking about.) It also works in the other direction: you can't love yourself unless you have the openness to love another. These two are inseparable, and if it seems to you that you are doing one and not the other, you are probably weak in both." 

The concept of loving oneself has been on my mind the past few days. I think about it in my own experiences and in the experiences of those around me. Hence the following (mostly) focused rant:

Don't ever try to be someone other than yourself. I know, I know. You hear that all the time. But I actually mean it. I don't think you should stand for someone telling you that you should be someone other than yourself nor should you stand for letting your own mind make you dwell on that notion. Don't ever try to be someone that is not the person that God made you to be.  You were meant to fit one mold--your own. We aren't all created differently from one another for the heck of it. We are created differently so that we can live in a world of diversity where we learn from one another's differences and grow exponentially from that learning. I get that doesn't happen a lot of the time. And that's why I want to take the time to say something now. 

Tell it to your children. Tell it to your spouse. Tell it to your siblings. Tell it to your parishioners. Tell it to your clients. Tell it to your best friends. Tell it to brand new acquaintances. You were not made to be like somebody else so that you can get along with them better. You were made like you are to be your own person and to contribute to the world your own gifts, humor, insights, ideas and dreams. Do not be self-conscious to the point where you have no self-confidence. Be self-conscious to the point that you do your best not to oppress others and to make sure that you're doing all you can to give to others your time and gifts to the very best of your ability. Be confident in who you are. Nobody can take your confidence in your identity away from you except you. 

You are not more important than anyone else, but you're important. You're not more special than anyone else, but you're special. Effectively living in the present means not taking time to analyze what others think about you. Have you forgotten who you really are due to trying to impress so many other people? Are you so caught in that web of trying to please other people that you can't seem to get yourself unstuck? Ask God to guide you out. God knows you better than anyone else, and God always knows the way back to the light because, well, God is the light.

And on the good days where you do realize that your uniqueness is a gift and you're able to embrace who you are as a person created by God, realize that there are many others around you who are struggling with such a concept. We need to take the time to share with each other that gift of reassurance that we do matter to God and to others. Part of loving God, loving others, and loving self is making sure that the three of these concepts work together fluidly to reveal the Kingdom of Heaven here on earth. Notice a theme here? Love. It is vital to the understanding and spreading of the gospel message, to carrying out the mission that Jesus started so long ago.

Point of this post?  Be yourself and rejoice in the wonderful creation that you are. Right here, right now. Nobody else is exactly like you. How cool is that? You are the only you there will ever be. No more letting each other hide behind masks of conformity. No. 

We must embrace and encourage our individuality so that we might live into our communal efforts for the transformational vision, healing, and love to which we have been called.

You matter. Starting today, please don't ever doubt that fact again. 

 

[[I've just been thinking today about all of the amazing men I have in my life. My father, my husband, grandfathers, uncles, cousins, my guy friends from college and now in grad school, guy friends I grew up with..the list goes on and on. Thinking about all of these great guys reminds me that not every guy treats every girl the way that the wonderful men in my life do. So, I just wanted to take a minute to thank them and all the other kind men out there.]]

A letter to all the gentlemen:

Whether we've had the chance to engage in conversation or not, I'd like to send an open "thank you" out into the universe to all of the gentlemen. To all the gentlemen who keep their eyes to themselves when a woman passes them in public. To all the gentlemen who have helped open a door when I clearly didn't have a hand to make it happen. To all the gentlemen who talk to me like I'm an actual person/adult and not like a child or someone else who could not possibly understand what you're talking about. To all the gentlemen who appreciate me for the fact that I can hold a real, in-depth conversation about meaningful topics. To all the gentlemen who encourage me to be who I am despite how the rest of the world might try to discredit my personality, my body, or my ideas. To all the gentlemen who joke around with me and do not attempt to keep our relationship in a bubble of safety so as not to hurt my feelings. To all the gentlemen who do acknowledge that I have feelings and are mindful of them without treating me differently than "one of the guys." To all the gentlemen who don't make sexist jokes. To all the gentlemen that actually believe in gender equality. To all the gentlemen who love the women in their lives, care for them with all of their being, and treat other women that they randomly meet on the street, in a store, in a homeless shelter, at a gas station, at a church, at a bar, at a school like you've known them all your life. Thank you.

 Thankful for you today!

I think it's important to have dinosaur dreams.

 Or at least your own equivalent thereof. I think too often we get caught up in what we consider to be the concreteness of this life. We are told that where we are is where we must stay and who we are now is who we must always be. I'm here to say I think that's one of the falsest--while also being one of the most prominent--ideas being streamlined in everything we see, read, and experience in our society today. In essence, our society is attempting to hold our hope captive--trying to make us stagnant in every way.

When I think about dinosaur dreams, it most often means for me remembering the world of make-believe where my friends and I used to reside when we were smaller. Not only remembering it but trying to embody the idea that it's okay to dream; it's okay to follow your dreams. I think it should be encouraged, actually!

I understand there are limits to these dreams. Some people are physically unable to follow their dreams due to restrictions from social location; others cannot follow their dreams due to health concerns for themselves or those under their care that are far more pressing; and still others are prevented from following their dreams because of stereotypes placed on them by the dominant culture. But I wonder about those of us who do not have such restrictions. What if us following our dreams gives others the opportunity to follow dreams of their own? Not so that we can get some sort of self-satisfaction from helping another person. That's just what we're called to do in our daily walks with Christ. To love, empower, and care for the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual well-being of those who are trapped, who need hope, who desire the warmth of the light and love of Christ but cannot find it.

Sometimes it is pertinent that we take the time to put aside our own self-doubt, get rid of the notion that what anyone else in this world thinks of us actually matters, and follow the dreams to which we are called. If for nothing else so that we may fulfill our duty, our call, and our longing to help other people. Not thinking of this kind of help as a charity case, but by thinking of it as an opportunity to form relationships with people who desire to know that they do matter and that they are loved.

This life is not concrete. Many of us have the ability to move, grow, explore, and make small changes that make this world a little brighter. When we follow our dreams, we remind ourselves and others that this life is not all there is. We have hope in life eternal; we have hope in unveiling the Kingdom of God on earth a little at a time; and we have hope that God's presence can be known to all people.

What if you knew for a fact that choosing to follow those dreams that have been on your heart and mind weren't just dreams...that they are a calling? A calling and an invitation to work with God to reveal the Kingdom, the light, and the hope? Would you take the chance? Would you trust that God will have your back every step of the way?

While questions like these are BIG and sometimes scary to address, I wonder what our world would be like if we did think big; if we did attempt to fully align our minds and hearts with God to follow the dreams that we have been given.What could God accomplish in this world if we remained open to seeking God and God's desires for our lives?

 ¹⁰ Love each other like the members of your family. Be the best at showing honor to each other. ¹¹ Don’t hesitate to be enthusiastic—be on fire in the Spirit as you serve the Lord! ¹² Be happy in your hope, stand your ground when you’re in trouble, and devote yourselves to prayer. ¹³ Contribute to the needs of God’s people, and welcome strangers into your home. ¹⁴ Bless people who harass you—bless and don’t curse them. ¹⁵ Be happy with those who are happy, and cry with those who are crying. ¹⁶ Consider everyone as equal, and don’t think that you’re better than anyone else. Instead, associate with people who have no status. Don’t think that you’re so smart. ¹⁷ Don’t pay back anyone for their evil actions with evil actions, but show respect for what everyone else believes is good. ¹⁸ If possible, to the best of your ability, live at peace with all people. --Romans 12: 10-18

Well, I'll be completely honest. I had planned to write on something completely different around 9:00 last night, but this morning I got to work and watched the following video:

 

I felt a lot of things while watching this video-- mainly inspiration driven by this couple's faith-filled, true-love-meets-determination attitude with which they live their lives and carry out their marriage and also a sense of my ungratefulness for the healthy and happy marriage I am blessed to be a part of.

I think a lot of the time when I get bogged down with school and other life stresses, the first thing to go on the back-burner is our marriage. I think part of that is fueled by a mentality that says, "Our marriage can handle anything, and Bo loves me no matter what!" And I honestly believe both of those to be true; however, taking the time to nurture a marriage and grow in your relationship with that other person is crucial. That's important for any relationship!

Today, I am reminded-- even more than usual-- of how truly blessed I am to have Bo in my life. In the short year and two months that we've been married, we've already been through quite a bit together. But I wouldn't trade my time and our experiences for the same thing with someone else for anything in this world. This man is my best friend, my confidant, the person that is literally there for me no matter what he has going on in his own life. He always manages to put me first. I am so grateful to be part of a love like that. And part of being grateful is taking the time to actually thank God for our blessings and tell Bo that I'm grateful for him and that I love him--what a concept! I'm learning more and more that when my attitude and mindset is one of thankfulness, I am better able to cope with the craziness of life; I am better able to see and attend to the needs of others; and most importantly, I am better able to love with all of my being. And Bo, of all the people I interact with on a daily basis, deserves that kind of love, the kind of love that lets him know how much I truly care for and am thankful for him.

So, join me today in taking some time today to be grateful for all of the wonderful relationships in our lives, and be sure to let those people know how much they matter to you. We're not promised tomorrow, so I suggest we

Share love and gratefulness with one another today.

I don't know if you've ever had anything taken from you, but it's not a fun experience. Last night I got on Facebook to find that one of my Facebook "friends" had posted one of my pictures (that I posted three+ weeks ago) on her page with the caption, "It's a beautiful Sunday! I love fall!"

Needless to say I was confused and annoyed, and I will admit that I let it bother me more than it should have for a little while..until I got into the shower. (Now that might seem like a strange statement to some, but those who know me know that my reflection/thinking/praying time happens most frequently in the shower.) I continued to think about the person posting the picture as their own: Why would they do this? What made them decide to do this? Why did this person "take" from me?

  

This thought process--for whatever reason--led me to the give-and-take that comes with all relationships. Some of us give everything we have to every relationship we're in while some of us are not wired in a way that calls us to give all we have or maybe we've even been hurt by relationships in the past where we gave and gave and gave and received nothing in return, only to end up broken-hearted.

I have been in those relationships where I thought I gave everything I had and did my best to always ask for very little because I thought that was my role in the relationship, to be the person that makes the other person feel good about themselves and life in general. It's funny that I can remember myself being on that end of previous relationships because there is one very important--in fact the most important--relationship that I am currently in where I am in fact the one who most often takes and takes while tending to forget to give in return to the other party. The relationship to which I'm referring is the one between me and God.

Now hear me when I say I know that I do not have to do anything to "earn" my salvation or "do works" to receive the grace that is freely given to me and all others who choose to accept it; however, I do think it is important to spend time with God as a means to a healthy relationship with God, as well as healthy interactions with others. So, when thinking about the give-and-take of relationships last night, I realized God is getting gypped in our relationship! I am constantly griping to God about things, turning my concerns over to God, and asking things of God (which is all fine and good in my opinion because God wants us to be real), but it hit me like a ton of bricks last night that I am not giving to our relationship as much as I should. I'm not giving to God like I would try to give to someone else in any other relationship. Instead of trying to focus on giving to God, I take for granted the gifts, graciousness, and guidance I'm given and go right on taking.

No, there's no universal prescribed amount of time that is suggested by theologians or ministerial leaders for spending with God, but think about it: When was the last time you took the time to just "be" in the presence of your Higher Power? Think about the peace that you felt tingling through your limbs as you experienced the Spirit there with you. For nothing other than those moments of peace, reassurance, and rest with the Divine should we do our best to make time for the Divine in our daily lives. And that might involve talking to God, but when's the last time we LISTENED to God? When's the last time we sat and called God's presence into our awareness? When's the last time we sang/meditated on the idea from the age-old hymn:

I need thee, O I need thee; every hour I need thee; O bless me now, my Savior, I come to thee.

We do need God. I do, at least. God is the reason I make it through the rough days, but God is also the reason I can rejoice. My family, my husband, my friends, food to eat and a roof over my head...all of these things remind me that God is near. They also remind me that there are many who do not have these blessings and that it is our duty as believers who are called to love others, form relationships with and provide for those in need so that they might know God is near to them as well. Some of us have it easier than others--we can acknowledge God's presence in our lives because we don't "want" for anything. Our needs are met; therefore, our eyes are more aware of the love and presence of God in our lives. In order for the Kingdom of Heaven to be noticed here on earth, it is vital that we genuinely love and care for one another; it is vital that we GIVE to one another! 

We are called to reveal the Kingdom, in whatever capacity we're being led. We don't help people in need and form relationships with people in need to be "good Godly people;" we do it because we have been created to love and for love, and we are meant to spread that love (i.e. the love of God) to everyone who has not been able to see, feel, and experience it for themselves.

God is always near; whether we take the time to spend with God, to be thankful in the gift of God's presence in this world, or whether we are so wrapped up in worldly things that we lose our God-senses, that we stop acknowledging that God is here and that God is working in each of us... no matter what, God is always near. We will continue to take from God, and God will continue to give to us. This gift of God's giving is not given to us so that we may keep it to ourselves and be comfortable in where/who we are as people; no, this gift is meant for something much greater. It is meant to be exponentially extended, to be shared with everyone-- all people everywhere.

 Suddenly having something as silly as a picture taken from me does not seem nearly as significant as it was last night. I do plenty of taking of my own, and I am loved indefinitely by my Creator despite of it. I pray that we would move into a season of serious giving of time and energy in our relationships with God and also with one another. How can we work together to find the good, to make evident the presence and the peace of God dwelling among us?  

How can we better give to God&others?

 How can we better love God&others?

Death is a subject that cannot be easily discussed. Shoot, we just see the word death, and some of us can feel ourselves shutting down emotionally, desperately attempting to escape conversation about such a thing.

I will be the first to admit that I have had few personal experiences with losing loved ones. I lost both of my grandfathers within a month of each other my senior year in high school, lost a family friend whom I loved and admired earlier this year, and Bo's grandfather passed in August. While the grieving processes of these deaths were difficult to experience, I found some peace in the fact that these individuals, for the most part, had long lives full of faith, adventure, and families who loved them so deeply.

I think the hardest thing for me to grapple with throughout those times of grief was those who were left behind. How were they really doing? How would they continue with life now that such a big piece of it was physically missing? How would they deal with their own grief and sadness?

The reason my mind traveled to this subject this morning was due to a page I recently "liked" on Facebook, "Praying for Phoebe Fair." I have gotten into the habit of following pages concerning children with illnesses. I feel as though there is something bigger being built up concerning this subject and my call, but for right now, I'm just "like"-ing the pages so that I might remember to pray for these families who need all of the prayer and support possible. I noticed a post from earlier this morning, and as I began to read, I quickly realized where the story was headed.

I learned that three year old Phoebe Fair had passed away on October 5, 2013. As I read through her mother's postings on this Facebook page, I was reminded that Infant and Pregnancy Loss Awareness Day was only a few days ago. What pain Phoebe's mom, as well as countless other parents around the world, must have felt as they remembered the losses of their little ones on that day. 

How do those parents cope with such loss, such frustration, and suffering? How do people cope with losing any family member--a spouse, a parent, a sibling, a best friend? More importantly, how do WE walk through the mess of grieving with those who hurt? Death is not a pretty thing. Grieving is not a simple process. But we have hope in the gift of life after death, and we also have hope in the community God has blessed us with to carry us through our valleys of anguish to our eventual mountains of peace.

I know the grieving process isn't easy. I've watched several go through it in the past year alone. I've also watched the overwhelming coming-together of families and friends from far and wide to be at the sides of those who grieve. When thinking about the weight of grief, my mind immediately travels to Jesus mourning with Mary and Martha over the death of their friend, Lazarus. While we are encouraged by the reminder of hope in the story that we will all eventually be reunited with those we love, I think Jesus' actions in this particular story are very moving and eye-opening as to how we should walk with those who grieve here and now. 

Jesus, led by the light to which he refers in John 11:9&10, returns to Judea to be with Mary and Martha despite the skepticism of his disciples. How often do we let the uneasiness of death get the best of us? How often do we let our own feelings of awkwardness in dealing with a situation so deep as death keep us from ministering to those who so desperately need to be reminded of the warmth, the light, and the love of God in their present situation?

Everyone grieves differently, and I, personally, am often left at a loss for words or actions to help others through their time of mourning. However, I've found that taking the time to pray before speaking and to trust before acting that I am led in a direction where God's presence can be felt. And I think those are our main concerns as Christians--to love and trust in God, to let others know they can never be separated from the love of God, and to also let others know that they are not alone-- not only let them know, but show them.

Jesus was real. Jesus wept (John 11:35). But Jesus did not shy away from dealing with life's most difficult situations because they were so massive. Jesus walked the road with the sick, the marginalized, the dying, and the mourning for no other reason than to make sure they knew that they were loved by God. I pray that we can have that same courage and mentality in our daily lives. Think of the light and the love that would burst forth in this world if that was always our main focus. 

My heart, prayers, and thoughts are with those who are mourning today. Praying for God's comfort, presence and love to envelope you and for eventual peace to overtake you in ways you didn't know were possible.

"You are the one who lights my lamp—
    the Lord my God illumines my darkness."

Psalm 18:28

Stories connect us to one another, and I believe those connections are important; thus, this dino-esque blog.

I also believe it's okay to love dinosaurs while also wanting to eventually become a pastor, and both of these things are indeed significant parts of my own story. It might seem like a fairly odd combination, but I think God can handle it (Lord knows God has dealt with me and my...er...uniqueness? for quite some time).

I know it's been important in the past for ministerial leaders to put on a sort of façade that is meant to convince those under their care that they are always have the answers, that they always have it all together, that they never get tired, that they never experience any emotions other than happiness and contentment; I, however, am here to openly state that I will not be that pastor.

Our pastor recently shared a memory from an earlier part of his life with us that has made my insistence to be open and honest with people that much more focal for my ministry. He shared with us that there was a time when he felt as though he wasn't--for lack of a better way to phrase it--being the best he could be for God. "I let God down," he explained to a friend at the time, to which that friend replied,

"I hate to tell you this, but you were never holding God up to begin with."

What a powerful and truthful reminder! We are not called to be perfect. We are not called to be do-gooders. We are called to love God and love others to the very best of our ability.

As I want to get to know friends, parishioners, and members of the community for who they truly are, I think it's important to faith growth for all parties involved if I show my imperfections. And trust me, there are quite a few. But that is a part of my story for another day.

My goal with this blog is to look at everyday situations through a theological lens and provide hope in situations where it is not so easy to locate the light while also bringing to light conditions and areas of brokenness in the world that I didn't really pay attention to prior to arriving to Delaware, Ohio to attend seminary.

There will be days of sharing joy and comedy, and there will also be days of sharing pain--whether my own or that of others who would benefit from our knowledge, compassion and prayers. I am so excited to finally have worked up the courage to start this thing, and I thank you in advance to those who are just crazy enough to follow along. It is with thanks to God, my husband, family, and friends that I am better able to understand and know God everyday, and I am so grateful (as a fairly extroverted person) to have a space to think out loud about what God's presence in our lives and in this world means in the present moment. Thanks for stopping by, and until next time....

Wishing you dinosaur dreams & spiritual things to awaken your "happy" and to awaken your soul